I Want To See You
by Mononoke-hime x sukai kurora
Summary: He remembered of how the Espada had looked at her with emotionless eyes, clutching her dying throat as her body continued to wither away, Uryū running towards her…running…running as the Espada crushed her neck and looking at the pale Quincy as her ashes floated in the wind. Orihime died in Heuco Mundo. Warning for mentions of depression and suicide.


_I Want To See You_

 _I miss you, Inoue-san._

 _I…want to see you._

 _Mitai yo..._

Ishida Uryū could never forget the young woman who had captured his heart. Her kind gray eyes were in his mind, basking in warmth and marred with sorrow. _I would never make her cry._ Uryū thought as he stood in the rain. _I would…never._ The rain continued to pelt over the umbrella over his head, the rain splattering by his feet. _Never…Inoue-san._ Despite the many years that had passed, Uryū still referred to Inoue- _san_ by her family name. He would have loved to say her name, the intimacy smooth on his tongue…but the Quincy had never had the chance. Inoue- _san_ had died in Hueco Mundo. Killed by one of the Espada, defending her precious Kurosaki- _kun_. Uryū still remembered of how the cero had blasted through her body, her face too shocked in pain as his horrified eyes watched in horror. He had screamed her name, the name he so desperately wanted to speak now audible. He remembered of how the Espada had looked at her with emotionless eyes, clutching her dying throat as her body continued to wither away, Uryū running towards her…running…running as the Espada crushed her neck and looking at the pale Quincy as her ashes floated in the wind.

Uryū had no idea what had happened after that. All he remembered was of how he felt such great emptiness and despair that he felt that he was being swallowed. He felt nothing as he watched the Espada walk towards him, aiming his hand towards his face. He remembered dodging, and then…nothingness. The Quincy only remembered staring dully at the Espada's body, his clothes torn and his weapon dully on his side. The dark-haired boy remembered Kurosaki, who had been revived from the last piece of power Inoue- _san_ had to save him, shaking him furiously and calling his names – both of them, as the Young Quincy stood motionless and his face empty, dead to the world.

Kurosaki defeated Aizen. What did it matter? Inoue- _san_ , who had been the light in his world, was gone. Uryū remembered the funeral vaguely. He remembered standing, far away as the monks chanted and as the members of the Soul Society, and Kurosaki with other variety of classmates, solemnly watched as a marker carved with the name Inoue Orihime was put into the ground. Uryū noted of how none of them had expected him to come. He had been too distant, too broken during the weeks after Inoue- _san_ 's death. His father had regarded him as a fool, telling him that it had been a foolhardy mission and he should be grateful he was alive. Uryū had never faced such anger before. He felt as if his mind was detached from his body as he slapped his father on the face. He had watched the cold eyes, unflinching and judgmental, bore into his own. Uryū had then started to run. He had no idea why he was running, or where. He just…wanted it to stop. Uryū found himself found himself near the grave and his entire body shook, tears finally streaming from his eyes as he desperately clutched the grave. He screamed, his screams growing hoarse until his voice failed him and Uryū could only stare blankly at the sky. It was past midnight when he had returned.

Uryū had wanted to say her name with such reverence and love that he would finally tell her… Uryū had drifted away from Kurosaki and Sado- _kun_ in the months after Inoue- _san_ 's death. Both had apparently moved on, leaving Uryū with his memories. The dark-haired Quincy had seen of how Arisawa Tatsuki, Inoue- _san_ 's closest friends, had moved soon after the orange haired girl's death. The teachers noted first of how the Quincy had changed. He was listless, never speaking to anyone, and had quickly developed a habit of sleeping in class. It was ironic that his status as the first student didn't falter. It was not that he was intent of maintaining his reputation. It was more of the fact that he felt so hollow inside, so empty and so…clouded with his own darkness, that the simple task of completing assignments allowed him to feel the darkness disappear, before it inevitably returned. It choked him, almost as if his mind was clouded with this dark feeling that never faded. Uryū was waking up every day feeling numb and forcing himself to breathe. Uryū almost inwardly laughed when he recognized the signs. But his laughter had failed, replaced by emptiness. Three months and two weeks after Inoue- _san_ 's death, Uryū found himself confronted by Kurosaki. _"What the hell, Ishida? You need to stop moping around!"_ Uryū stared at Kurosaki, feeling numb as he always did to the irritating student's yells. _"Inoue wouldn't want this! You know she wouldn't! So why are you acting like such a weak–?"_ Kurosaki's insults stopped in his throat as Uryū stared at him murderously. With more emotion than he had in months. _"Ishida…?"_ The former substitute Shinigami gasped when he was pushed aside, staring at the friend he could no longer recognize.

Uyrū Ishida now looked down at the grave, tracing the characters in his mind as he had wanted to stroke the girl's face. _"Shinanaide, Ishida-kun."_ He could imagine her saying that to him, pleading for him to not die. Uryū allowed himself a smile. _I feel so tired…so very tired…and I want this to end._ Uryū glanced at the clouds, seeing the rain dripping down at his feet. _Arigatou…Inoue-san._ The Quincy was shocked to find himself crying, the tears caressing down his face. A sob burned through his throat. He always felt like this. Carefully, Uryū closed the umbrella. _I won't need it…where I'm going,_ Uryū thought. Later that night, Uryū pulled off his glasses and set them on the table across from his desk. Inoue- _san_ had surprised him by talking about his eyes. _"They're so beautiful, Ishida-kun!"_ Sobs tore from his throat and his young hands started to shake. His eyes blurred by tears. "I love you…Inoue- _san,_ " Uryū whispered. "I…"

 _Gomen nasai._

For the last time, he pulled his Quincy bow. Uryū felt his hands continue to shudder and shake, but he would not allow them to fail. He pulled…and at last felt the arrow embed in his chest. The young Quincy had been uncertain if any of the arrows would work, but they had…and he was happy. Never before, as blood coated his chest as it began to spread, as he ever felt as peaceful as he did. His breathing started to become shallow, and he felt a smile echo thinly across his lips as he imagined Inoue- _san_ 's smile, and…closed his eyes.

* * *

 _Mitai yo_ means in this context I want to see you, which is a direct reference to the title, and _yo_ is a particle used for emphasis on emotion, so...basically describes the feeling of the brokenhearted Quincy.


End file.
